Here's how the experts recommend handling a bully.

Matt Purcell was just six years old when a group of older boys stuffed him in a council bin and left him to stew in the juices.

It was the final act following months of daily school bus bullying that the Korean-Australian had been keeping to himself.

"I was an adoptee from South Korea and my parents were nothing like me, and that was targeted by bullies at my school," he said.

When his adopted parents learned about the behaviour they called the school and the boys were punished.

The physical assaults stopped, but the school bus taunts continued.

"What bullying does, it dehumanises you," Mr Purcell said.

"My life was pretty sad for a long time."

His father enrolled him in Kung Fu classes, but that also caused problems when Mr Purcell responded to the bullies with his own violence.

"If it wasn't for mentors in my life who pursued me, I wouldn't be here today."

This week an international study found Australia's teens experience bullying at the second highest rate among developed countries.

The Australian Council for Educational Research analysed data from the OECD's Program for International Student Assessment (PISA) test which surveyed more than 13,437 Australian students in 2022.

It found Australia ranked number two for bullying, with 17 per cent of students reporting that "other students made fun of me" but the overall trend was down compared to 2018.

Students in Tasmania reported the highest levels of bullying with the lowest in Victoria, NSW and the ACT.

The study found teen girls were reporting anxiety, fear and panic at twice the rate of boys, but boys appeared more resilient to stress than girls.

Bullying can send some teens to the brink

Bullying is a type of trauma that falls under the banner of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) and it may be contributing to the current surge in youth mental health problems.

"These mental health issues that appear in adolescence, they don't just happen overnight. Usually there's been precursors through the early childhood years," Children's Commissioner Anne Hollonds said.

Numerous studies have found bullying, including cyberbullying, is widespread and more than two-thirds of children aged 12 to 13 have experienced at least one bullying-like behaviour in a 12-month period.

Online, approximately one in four Australians aged between 14 and 17 have been the victim of cyberbullying in the past year.

A major 2021 Australian review found that of all the Adverse Childhood Experiences, bullying - including cyberbullying - was associated with double the risk of suicide in later life.

Teens who were victims of cyberbullying were more likely to report elevated symptoms of depression or anxiety, and the use of social media in particular, was also associated with a high risk of depression and anxiety.

The impact of being left out

Dr Deirdre Gartland leads the Resilience and Mental Health research program at Murdoch Children's Research Institute and says long term bullying could impact how children regulate their emotions, causing them to miss school or disengage at home.

"Ongoing stresses that are persistent and significant for a young person are going to affect how the pathways in the brain develop," she said.

Teen Mental Health

Commissioner Hollonds said greater focus was needed on what she called "the middle years" — ages 8 to 14.

"What we now know is that in those years children are really looking for a sense of belonging," she said.

"If they're not able to build that sense of belonging at school, then that will lead to them starting to disengage from school or to behave in ways that causes them actually to be pushed out."

In a bid to address the impacts of bullying, funding of $4.2 million for school resources and programs such as the Anti-Bullying Collective and the National Day of Action against Bullying and Violence, was allocated in last week's federal budget.

What can parents do?

Dr Gartland said there were facets of life that proved to have a protective effect when it came to resilience and coping with traumatic events like bullying.

These include:

• Fostering a positive sense of self-identity
• Maintaining a good connection to family and friends
• Maintaining a strong connection to culture
• Ensuring teens are enjoying hobbies or activities outside of school hours
• Family guidance
• Ensuring there's a positive engagement with the school and the teachers there
• Fostering a sense of optimism for the future; and
• Helping teens build the capacity to identify and regulate their emotions

She said parents could facilitate some of these by having family traditions like birthdays or family holidays or enrol children in language courses to help them connect to their culture as well as extra-curricular activities such as sport, music or art.

"Connecting in with something that your child or young person really enjoys doing is a really wonderful way to build their resilience," she said.

Parents also needed to be role models and help children understand their emotions during turbulent times.

"Parents can be helping children and young people to both name and recognise their feelings," she said.

Commissioner Hollonds said parents should try to find creative ways to stay connected with teens — whether it be watching trashy television together or cooking a meal.

"Don't think that just because they don't seem to want to spend time with you that that means they don't want you around. Teenagers want you around. That's a fact," she said.

"The more time you spend with them and have those incidental conversations, the more you get a sense of what that child's well-being is over time."

Resilience isn't about 'bouncing back'

Dr Gartland said it was important to remember that resilience did not mean "bouncing back".

"Resilience is about a child or a young person drawing on their internal strengths and drawing on the strengths and resources that sit around them," she said.

"When children do have access to these resources, they are much more likely to have positive mental health and well-being irrespective of what's happening to them in their lives."

Mr Purcell urged parents to become detectives in their teens' lives and use "I statements" such as, "I noticed you've not being going to basketball" to try to draw out what was wrong while sitting shoulder to shoulder with their teen.

"So you've got to get the information out - who's doing what and is this a pattern?" he said.

He suggested parents relate their own school experiences to help connect with their teen and even use themselves as a soft target to role play ways to deal with bullies.

"It's a verbal dojo. We practice questioning back to each other. How could I come back to that? Is that actually true?" he explained.

And what not to do...

A key message from the experts to parents is to avoid common cliches like "just ignore them" or "well, just hit them back".

Dr Gartland said those kinds of messages could be damaging.

"It's really important to acknowledge the challenges that young people and children may be going through."

Years after his own bullying experience Mr Purcell became a youth worker and noticed other young people also didn't have the skills to combat verbal abuse.

As a result, he created Social Kung Fu, a program designed to give young people the words and phrases to combat schoolyard and online bullying.

Teens are given mock scripts and taught to use questions like, "what do you mean by that?" and "how do you know it's true?" as verbal blocks to put those spreading rumours and making accusations on the back foot.

Mr Purcell said responding with violence escalated the situation instead of resolving it, and while ignoring bullies may work for one-off incidents, he believed it was less effective for ongoing targeting.

"By being passive you're teaching the bully it's okay," he said.

Mr Purcell said the answer lay in teaching young people that their words could have tremendous impact.

"If we can help people use their words to defend themselves and to give value, then I believe that [good] mental health will increase," he said.

Article by Alison Branley


Published 26 May, 2024


Published by ABC News