How can behavioural challenges impact the family?

We recognise that behavioural challenges due to disability can be a source of significant difficulty for siblings and the entire family unit. The expectations on children, particularly those with invisible disabilities and neurodevelopmental conditions (like autism and ADHD), can cause them to feel dysregulated. This can be extreme at times and even lead to aggressive behaviours.

At Kiind, we hear stories about family distress and burnout daily. Here's what a mother recently shared with us:

"I feel like I've failed-as a mum, a wife, a person. The last six months have been hell. My daughter can no longer live with us and has moved in with her grandparents. She's heartbroken. I'm devastated. After years of advocating, it feels out of my hands. We're all suffering-depression, anxiety, PTSD. My kids are on medications and in therapy, but there's no quick fix. We're exhausted. I keep breaking down. I'm having meltdowns every few weeks because I've run out of energy, and nothing helps me recharge.”

If you resonate with this, please know that you’re not alone and there is a community of support available to you. We hope this guide provides you with some new knowledge and confidence to manage your family’s needs, and you can reach out to the Kiind team if you need additional support.

How does this impact siblings?

Siblings often have the longest-lasting relationships in life, spanning from childhood and into adulthood. They are likely to spend the most time together, especially if they live in the same home (or travel together between their parents’ separate homes) and attend the same school. For this reason, the sibling child may feel like they can’t get a break. The sibling child may also have been personally impacted by violence and aggression or have witnessed it being directed towards other family members.

How can parents and carers support their family?

Kiind has put together some suggestions to support your sibling child and help minimise the tension at home. However, we recognise that every family situation is unique, so we encourage parents and carers to consider these suggestions carefully and seek additional support if needed.

Finding what works best for your family may be a process of trial and error. Circumstances may also change, so what works today may not tomorrow, and that can be incredibly frustrating for everybody involved. It’s important to be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can.

1. Spend one-on-one time with your sibling child

If you can, try to carve out individual time with your sibling child to show them they are equally important. Whether it’s a casual chat or a simple outing, this time helps your sibling child feel seen and heard. You may also like to ask other members of your family, such as their grandparents or cousins, to get involved and spend some one-on-one time with them.

2. Speak openly about disability and behaviours

Honest and open communication about your child’s disability and challenging behaviours can help your sibling child better understand the family dynamics and feel less alone.

It’s never too early or too late to start these conversations. Encourage them to ask questions and share their own feelings. You can approach these conversations in a way that fits your family’s communication style, such as using humour.

By emphasising your child’s lack of choice when it comes to their behaviours, your sibling child may better understand and accept the situation.

3. Validate your sibling child’s feelings

It’s important to allow your sibling child the space to express how they feel without judgment. By acknowledging that you understand their feelings and allowing them to feel heard, they will feel more supported by you.

You may also like to share your own feelings to empathise with your sibling child, but be mindful of what you want to share, so you’re not adding to their own stress. This genuine exchange of feelings can help your sibling child better understand your family’s experiences.

4. Adopt consistent parenting styles

Your child with challenging behaviours may need specific accommodations, which your sibling child may see as “unfair”. Therefore, it’s important to be as consistent as you can with your parenting and expectations for each child.

For example, if your child is demand-avoidant, you may like to use supportive strategies such as non-directive or declarative language for all of your children.

5. Build a life outside the home

Help your sibling child find social and recreational activities outside the family environment. Encourage friendships, hobbies, or interests that allow them to enjoy a break from family stress and simply be themselves.

6. Communicate with your child’s school

Keep open communication with your sibling child’s teachers to ensure they understand how home life may be impacting your child, such as stress or lack of sleep. Regular updates help teachers provide the necessary emotional support and make adjustments in the classroom when needed.

7. Utilise support workers

If your child has an NDIS Plan, you may be able to use it to fund hours with a support worker. Just as the sibling child needs a break and time outside the family home, so does your child with the disability. A support worker can take your child out in the community, allowing everyone a moment to relax and reset.

We recognise that not everyone has access to support workers, so you may be able to ask a friend or family member who understands your child’s needs.

8. Have an escalation plan

When your child’s behaviour escalates, it’s crucial to have a plan in place for your sibling child’s safety and emotional well-being. This might include allowing them to retreat to their room with noise-cancelling headphones and an activity to distract them or arranging for them to stay with a trusted family member or friend.

Once it’s safe, it’s important to reach out to your sibling child to discuss what happened and how they’re feeling about it. You may find it helpful to engage professional help to support you with this.

9. Foster quality family time

Create opportunities for quality family time to foster bonding between all your children. If possible, find an activity that everyone can enjoy, such as bike riding, swimming or going to the movies. Try to avoid competitive activities like board games.

10. Ask for help when your child needs it

If you feel it’s appropriate, provide opportunities for your child to talk to a trusted adult who isn’t you. This may be a professional psychologist or perhaps a family member or friend who can provide a safe space for expression and a new perspective.

We recognise that this is easier said than done. Counsellors and psychologists may be able to assist with this if you have some difficulty. For families based in WA, you can find free or low-cost mental health services in Kiind’s Useful Organisations Directory. Siblings Australia also provide counselling support on a national level. You can check availability and book a session online.

Family dynamics and sibling relationships are challenging, and these can become even more complex when behavioural challenges are involved. But remember, you know your children and family best. It may take time, but showing your children how loved and supported they are is invaluable. And don’t forget to show some of that love to yourself, too.

Article by A Guide by Kiind
Published 7 May 2025
Published by Siblings Australia